Up from the Muck Podcast
Up from the Muck Podcast seeks to provide encouraging interviews of Christian believers, showcasing their “stories of the middle”, the mucky moments where God steps in, highlighting the gritty middle and not just the polished end.
Up from the Muck Podcast
Finding Light: A Journey Through Postpartum Depression with Laura Womack Episode 80
Laura Womack shares her powerful journey through postpartum depression following the birth of her second child. After struggling silently for two years while putting on a brave face for others, she found healing through an unexpected spiritual breakthrough that transformed her relationship with God and restored her joy.
Some highlights of our discussion:
• Experienced postpartum depression after her second child when circumstances were dramatically different from her first birth
• Forced to return to work just six weeks after giving birth when her husband lost his job
• Struggled with feelings of intense loneliness despite having a supportive husband and family
• Continued attending church and Bible studies but was "just going through the motions"
• Found healing through surrendering to God during a small group Bible study after nearly two years
• Learned valuable lessons about God's patience, love, and healing power through her experience
• Believes Christians should acknowledge mental health struggles and seek both spiritual and professional help
If you're struggling with postpartum depression or any mental health issue, don't wait to seek help. Reach out to God first, then find godly counselors and friends who can support your healing journey.
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Today I have with us fellow teacher and friend, laura Womack. Hi, she's been a teacher for nearly 30 years and my co-teacher my ride or die at my new school for this past year, and I'm so happy you're here. And today she's going to share this really incredible story, one I haven't really had on the show before. So I'm just really glad that you're here. And I'm so glad you're here and today she's going to share this really incredible story, one I haven't really had on the show before. So I'm just really glad that you're here and I'm so glad to have been working with you. You're truly a gem.
Speaker 2:Oh, thank you. Thank you for having me, and you've been such a blessing to me this year as well. Yeah, so thank you for having me here today.
Speaker 1:So tell us about your story 2005.
Speaker 2:I was 34 years old and I had just had my second baby my son, yeah.
Speaker 1:And so what was going on? Was there a complication with the birth itself?
Speaker 2:No, actually his birth was very easy compared to my older daughter, but no, I suffered from postpartum depression, came on kind of quickly and without my even realizing what was going on. Yeah, so what made it different? Well, my experience with my second baby was very different than with my first. There's four years difference in their age and when my first daughter, when my daughter I have a daughter and a son and when my daughter was born, my mother was very active. As a matter of fact, I went from the hospital to her house because my husband was working shift work and was working nights, so they brought me to their house. My parents and she was very active in helping me. She and I were very close in helping me with my new baby first baby and changing diapers and helping me with feedings and getting sleep.
Speaker 1:Yes, all the things all the things.
Speaker 2:And then she and my daughter had a very close relationship. They were just really tight. It was just such the sweetest thing to watch. With my second baby, my mother had become ill and she was pretty much bedridden, and so she still loved on my son, but it was in a very different way.
Speaker 2:It was basically we would bring him to her, lay him in the bed with her and then they would play that way. She was not as for you know, a brief period of time, because it would wear her out. Yeah, so it was. Just, it was really hard to go from having her be so active to just not being able to be, and it's not even the help was greatly appreciated, don't get me wrong, but just her not being able to be active in his life the way she was in my daughter's life.
Speaker 2:And then, shortly after the birth of my son, my husband lost his job. We had planned for me to I'd always wanted to beat-home mom and that was never fully in the cards, but we had planned for me to be off for a year after he was born, my husband lost his job. They had layoffs at his company and less than six weeks after he was born I had to go back to work. Terrible, it was devastating to me and I really think that's when the combination of the illness with my mom and then the loss of his job, just mixed with the normal hormonal shifts, that happened.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean because I'm sure for like the whole year, like of you being pregnant, you were looking forward to that and planning for that. Yes, and that's just a big, earth shattering thing to have changed. Yes, you know, yes, it's stressful that he has to like find new income, but it's also like you had this dream in your head that I get to stay home with my baby.
Speaker 2:Right, my last baby, my last baby. We knew he was going to be my last baby. That was always in the plans.
Speaker 1:That's just a hard thing, yeah. And then, like I guess and I say this because I didn't really fully understand or appreciate maternity, leave, you know, until I had my own child, because I would hear about oh, six weeks off and you're, you go back to work and at the time before I had my child, that felt like a decent amount of time, Right? No, it's really not. It's really not. Especially, that's a big, huge traumatic thing to your own body for one. And then just to like your whole life thing to happen, for you to go back to work in basically a month and a half and like everything's fine, right? No, and that's just normal. Quote unquote things yes.
Speaker 1:But to have that have happened to you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's totally devastating and I did not get the full six weeks. Very thankful, I actually went back to Claiborne Christian, which is where you know we're at now, and I was thankful that a position was there. I actually I'd called to be put on the sub list, yeah, and the principal at the time was rigged and she said Well, I've had a teacher, a pre K teacher, quit. Do you want her job? It was the day I called, oh wow.
Speaker 2:So I was very thankful that immediately I had a source of income, but yeah, to not be able to have that time with my son.
Speaker 1:it was devastating, and then, too, I think it would probably be hard to work with other small children when you want to be with your small children.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Or you want to be with your small children right, or your one baby, my baby.
Speaker 2:Yes, it's kind of hard, yeah just emotionally right.
Speaker 1:That's a lot for sure it was, it was, it was hard, yeah well, what kind of things were you dealing or thinking about during that time? Like how did you know that? Oh, this is not, you know, because we all get sad. Or like have a day where you feel depressed, but feeling depressed one or two times a day is not the same as like this is chronic depression or postpartum depression. Like how did you know this is becoming a thing? And you were struggling.
Speaker 2:I really I could not get happy and that was I felt very lonely. More than anything else, I just remember feeling lonely and me being a fixer.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was hard for me to reach out. I didn't reach out and that was a huge part of the problem, but I just found myself not getting happy. I can remember looking at my son and one vivid and I hope I don't get emotional here Looking at him and saying I was happy before you were born. I didn't say it out loud I was happy before you were born. Now, I never wanted to hurt my child.
Speaker 2:Thankfully, yes, but I can almost understand how you could get to that point, because you're not in a right state of mind, but I do remember and of course, immediately it's like oh, I'm so sorry. I ever thought that you're the most precious, one of the most precious things that's ever happened to me, that you're the most precious, one of the most precious things that's ever happened to me. So then I felt guilt on top of the other.
Speaker 2:But yeah, I just lonely. And my husband, I mean he's, he was never ugly to me. As a matter of fact, I asked him the other day what his thoughts were. He said I don't really remember. I was like, so I guess it did impact him a whole lot. Well, it's been some time now it has.
Speaker 1:Okay, I guess it did impact him a whole lot.
Speaker 2:Well it's been some time now it has.
Speaker 1:Okay, my son is 19.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so it's been a minute and you know it has. And not to discredit, him, he was always there for me. I mean, he just you could see the look on his face sometimes of like I want you to be happy, but I don't know what to do. Yeah, he's always been the type to. I mean, he spoils me and my children, my children in particular, probably too much. They don't they don't have to do a whole lot sometimes, and I think we probably ought to make them do some more stuff.
Speaker 1:But anyway, Sorry guys, yeah sorry.
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly. But yeah, I just remember feeling lonely and, like I say, I've never been the type to reach out for help like I should. Yeah, because I just want to. I don't want to A inconvenience people.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And B. I just Is there a little bit of a pride issue, yeah, and I just want to deal with it myself and that's not always the answer.
Speaker 1:And to use your words, how long did you quote, unquote, deal with it? Yeah, about two years. Yeah, that's a long time. Too long Just waiting that you know. Too long, yeah.
Speaker 2:But I was able to kind of hide it to where a lot of people I don't think even realized, and so I went about my daily business and did my job and you know, I was again thankful to have it, but it was not always the some of the people I worked with were not the most positive people. Yeah, as opposed to now so, and so I just went through the motions and put on a happy face and yeah yeah, were you still?
Speaker 1:I know you've been a churchgoer your whole life. Did that affect, like your church attendance, or are you still just pasting it on for that too?
Speaker 2:No, we stayed active in church, especially having two little ones. And my daughter was four, yeah, and so she was getting to an age to where she was really getting active, and you know, and so we kept. Now it was for me it was more going through the motions than anything, and you know, and so we kept. Now, it was for me it was more going through the motions than anything. But I knew I had to do that. I needed to set a positive example for my children and try to be, you know, good wife to my husband who's trying to lead us. Yeah, so I kept going to church, but it was really going through the motions. You know worship, I would sing the songs, but it was just like singing to the radio. Participate in the Bible studies we, you know, have small group Bible studies and we, you know, went and participated, but again, more going through the motions than anything.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and sometimes it's like that with life, you know, with any. You know, if it's not this, it's something else Right, right, right. For you, though. When was there a time of change Like? When did things start to like move forward for you?
Speaker 2:I knew that I, of course, having two small children, I had to do something, because I couldn't continue to lead them in this way.
Speaker 2:Eventually things would come to the surface. And of course, my husband, he just he needed better than what I was giving, you know, such a dedicated to our marriage and. But I had decided to do a small group Bible study, just a small group of ladies that we were all kind of in the same place in life, maybe five or six ladies that we just decided to meet. I think it was not part of our regular small group Bible study was on. So there's like additional, additional yes, and I said, ok, well, I'm going to participate in this. Now I don't remember the name of the Bible study, I don't remember the name of the lady that wrote the Bible study.
Speaker 2:I don't remember what we were studying, the topic or anything. But God put me in that for a purpose. He was getting ready to say OK, enough is homework. That's involved in a Bible study. Sometimes, again, I don't remember what I was studying, I just God pierced my heart and he literally brought me to my knees. He said I'm here and again, try not to get emotional. But at that time I finally realized he's right here, I just need to reach out. And he was there. God was there waiting for me.
Speaker 1:Great how he does that like you weren't necessarily like running to him, right, you know, just saying I need your help, but he saw you out. Yes, he did. I've experienced that more than once in my life, where it's like and where I'm living, doing whatever I'm trying to do, and it's where god's reaching down to me and pursuing me, and every time it happens I always feel so loved.
Speaker 1:Yes, wow, he would do that, he would. He doesn't give up on us and he finds the way that we need it to reach us. Right, you know, like did you initiate? Finding that group or putting that group?
Speaker 2:together. I don't know. I did not have anything to do with putting it together and I don't even remember how I became involved with it. I think it's just, there was a group of ladies in our church, like I say, and most of us had children around my daughter's age.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And I think it's just, we were doing life together anyway and I said, hey, let's do a Bible study. Okay, great. I remember, not long after that and just totally giving everything over to God and saying, okay, there's got to be change and I can't do it. Yeah, and God saying, okay, you know, got you, I've been waiting for you. But not long after that I remember just everything changed, and you know not that it was just instantaneously, but slowly and surely things began to improve.
Speaker 2:And I remember one Sunday being in church and worshiping and just really truly worshiping for the first time in a long time, and not that you have to raise hands to worship, but I felt led to raise my hands and worship that day. And I remember it was not the music minister we have at the time, but one that was there then and she said there's something different about you. And I thought, yeah, I let God heal my heart, I quit holding on to things that I should have never held on to begin with. And so, yeah, that's when it changed. And, like I say, that was probably close to two years after the birth of my son.
Speaker 1:Wow, too long. Yeah, oh man, but just knowing that he was always there. The Bible study, like you know you didn't initiate it. And just a moment on this, like I just think it's neat that the Lord probably put it on somebody else's heart to start it yes, and maybe you were the whole purpose in that. That's humbling, you know. Or maybe you know kind of like Rahab I know you and I have been teaching Rahab to her students lately but like I felt like for Rahab's story, like God sent the spies to Jericho for Rahab.
Speaker 1:For Rahab yes, because I mean he already promised them the city. What was their purpose in going to scat off the city? They already knew they were going to win Right, which Rahab did too. Yes, and it's like he sent them there for her. What an awesome perspective, I don't know. So sent them there for her, what an awesome perspective. So I just can't help because I think for just that story that's really cool. But I hear in this and I'm hearing that same type of thing for you, and maybe there was another person in the Bible study who had a different experience. It wasn't like yours.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Right. All to say, if God put something in your heart, follow through, Because actually I feel like most times it's not for you personally, it's for somebody else out there you are doing the hands and feet of God. So when he's telling you a directive, you got to do it.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Agreed. What did you learn about God's character? Anything specific?
Speaker 2:For sure that he is patient, like I say, two years, and he never gave up on me. He is loving, he's waiting there, I'm here for you, he's right there and he brings healing. We is loving, he's waiting there in the. You know just, I'm here for you, he's right there and he brings healing. We seek it. Now. Healing comes in a variety of ways. Yeah, this is by no way saying if there is someone is dealing with depression or any kind of mental illness, that you should seek only God. God, I believe, gives doctors and medical professionals the gift to be able to help people in that situation, and I probably should have sought professional help at some point in time. But, like I said, pride got in my way.
Speaker 1:But he does bring healing and for me it was just through time with him, yeah, and now they ask that stuff like way more often 20 years ago. I don't know how much they asked that, but I just know for me, like I'm going in for, my first appointment and that's the first thing they're asking out about how do I feel?
Speaker 2:and yeah, yeah, I don't remember if that was asked, you know I think people are more aware of that now.
Speaker 1:Thankfully, yeah, because it does happen a lot.
Speaker 2:It has happened a lot, and I know, even the last time I took my son for a well visit, it's basically an athletic checkup. You know you got to sign off that you're healthy enough. They even asked him these mental health questions and you know I asked him do you need me to leave the room so you can? You know, so I think that's I think that's good.
Speaker 1:I think it's good because I think it's good to recognize that hey, like that, these negative thoughts, we should alter them, you know like, and they can have power over this, but they shouldn't.
Speaker 2:Well, and as Christians, I think sometimes we're made to believe and I think this has gotten better that Christians don't suffer like that. Yeah, but that's not true. That's not true. I mean, in the Bible there were multiple people.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think I feel like Job kind of was thrown away. He had some not great friends that did not help with that.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Right, which is also scriptural, about how we're supposed to like, guard our hearts because it's from the wellspring of life. You know like, which means those friends. You know you don't want to bring in negativity. That doesn't have to be there, right, but dark is always a way through.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah, and jesus can be a really great healing point for that, yes, and should be the the first that we go to, in my opinion, mine, too, mine too, yeah, so how has this impact?
Speaker 1:you know, because now it's been 19 years, you know from that point, like how has that impacted your relationship with him losing a word?
Speaker 2:right. Well, it's definitely strengthened my relationship with Christ, and I'm still I mean, as we all are a work in progress and I still sometimes tend to try to want to be a fixer myself, but I'm a lot. It doesn't take me as long now to reach out to him.
Speaker 2:You know I can see a lot quicker. That, ok, this is, I've got to have God's help on this. I can't do this alone. So definitely strengthen that relationship and cause me to seek him for guidance a lot more. I'm not perfect, so there, I can't sit here and say that there haven't been other times when I tried to lead myself but, like I say, I'm a lot quicker to turn to him now.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, if there was someone else today that's listening to this and you're like, I think I might be dealing with postpartum as well, what would you say to them? What advice would you give to them?
Speaker 2:I would say don't wait. Don't wait, Reach out for help. Obviously you want to go to God, you want to reach out to him, but then find godly people in your life, godly counseling, godly friends that you can trust and you can confide in. Those people were there for me. I just didn't reach out to them because I wanted to. You know, we all want to portray like we got it all together. I got it. It's not that bad.
Speaker 1:But you know we all want to portray like we got it all together. It's not that bad but if you're spending that long you know it can't hurt. And why do you want to suffer? Why do you want to?
Speaker 2:suffer Right and God puts people in our path. For that we, you know, we hopefully can develop a community of friends and loved ones who are willing to help us, and so that's my biggest advice is don't wait, go to God and then let him lead you to whoever else can help you.
Speaker 1:And just to give a little. No one's given me anything for this. But First, west Counseling is a great. It's good. Christian counseling, beautiful Minds is more what our school is connected with, and there's also Strategic Solutions is another Christian based. The founders of that one are Christian, so there are some in this area that are there. So if you need that or for anything, I'm a big proponent. If you listen to my show at all, I'll talk about this from time to time. I'm always pro-counselor. They can't hurt you.
Speaker 2:Oh, absolutely Especially.
Speaker 1:Christian counseling, christian counseling, christian counseling can hurt you. Agreed, agreed.
Speaker 2:Well, I'm so glad you came out to my show, Laura, to share your story. Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1:It's been fun, yeah, and I'm sure that someone has been encouraged today from you just sharing your story, so thank you so much, thank you.
Speaker 2:And my name is Laura Womack and this is my story of the middle. Psalm 40, verse 2, says he brought me up from a desolate pit, out of the the muddy clay, and set my feet on the rock, making my steps secure.
