When Birth Changes Everything with Erin Simpson Episode 83

She expected the hard parts of new motherhood. She did not expect to try to stand up after delivery and realize she could not walk. Erin Simpson joins us to tell the story that begins on August 21, 2021, when a complicated labor, multiple anesthetics, and a C-section lead to a shocking postpartum injury and a long season of unknowns. Before doctors confirm sciatic nerve damage, she is treated under stroke protocol, spending more time in radiology than holding her baby, all while trying to process the fear and the whiplash of becoming a mom overnight.

We get honest about what recovery actually looks like: early physical therapy while healing from major surgery, living with a walker, and learning to accept help without losing yourself. Erin also shares the moment things turn from difficult to terrifying when she develops a postpartum blood clot and the lingering effects that follow, including medical anxiety. This conversation is full of practical insight on self-advocacy in healthcare, learning to trust your instincts, asking better questions, and finding the right support when you feel overwhelmed.

Erin also opens up about the faith that held her steady, the community that carried her, and how those lessons became the foundation for her own faith-based motherhood podcast, Strong As a Mother. If you are searching for hope after birth trauma, postpartum recovery support, or stories that make you feel less alone, this one meets you right where you are. Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs encouragement, and leave a review with your biggest takeaway.

Transcript

Meeting Erin Simpson

SPEAKER_01 0:08

Hi everyone, today I'm talking with Erin Simpson. Hey! She's a wife, mom, and creative who's passionate about storytelling and building community. She's a photographer who focuses on small special events like birthday parties. So mom's gonna actually show up and join pictures. And she is also the creator and voice behind The Strong as a Mother podcast. All while homeschooling her daughter and continuing her healthy journey. On her podcast, she holds space for real and raw conversations about the joys and challenges of motherhood, always pointing back to the faith and resilience. Erin has a heart for removing, reminding women that they're not alone in motherhood and that God meets us in every season. Wow. What an intro, Erin. It's a lot to don't replace me.

SPEAKER_03 0:59

I'm like, it's a little bit of a lot of stuff, but all the all the balls are glass and I love them. So I can't drop any of them.

SPEAKER_01 1:07

Well, it's great. And uh I'm just uh I know a little bit of your story. I've heard some of it. Um, and I've known you for a while. You know, I met you way back in high school and our science class together. Mission thing. Yeah, it's been a long time ago. Um, but yeah, um, but I'm glad that you're here and get to have this conversation. I'm excited. Um, yeah. And so um, and we're gonna be so for today, you know, you're gonna be sharing your story, um, where God has brought brought you up from the muck. Uh, and then you're gonna be also telling us about more about your podcast. Um, I think it's cool. You asked me some things several years ago. So this thing that she's had on her heart has been uh, you know, been a thing for a while for her. So I'm just glad that you now get to share it all a little bit behind the curtain. And so that's gonna be today. Um are you ready to uh share your story? I'm ready. All right,

The Moment She Could Not Walk

SPEAKER_01 2:03

I'm ready. So for you, um, where does your story start?

SPEAKER_03 2:08

So a specific date. August 21st of 2021 is exactly when my story started. Um, I was 30 years old at the time, and that is the day that my daughter was born, and I was actually injured during labor and delivery. Um and so from there, everything changed.

SPEAKER_01 2:28

Yeah. Did you like was there a certain moment during delivery that you like knew like something happened or was it afterwards?

SPEAKER_03 2:36

No, it was 12 hours later. It was the next morning when they were trying to get me up for the first time. Wow and I was like, I can't walk. Oh the nurse said, Well, you you know, you shouldn't be numb anymore. You should be able to. And I was like, Well, that's great that I should be able to, but it my toes don't even wiggle. And she immediately jumped into problem solving mode. And yeah, wow. It's been a wild ride since then. Oh my goodness. Um, so what are some of the things that happen? So it ended up being a sciatic nerve almost severing in my left leg. Um, and it took, it took several weeks for us to actually have that diagnosis confirmed. Cause with nerve studies, they say you have to wait a certain amount of time before you can have it done after the injury. So in the hospital, they were treating me for stroke. I spent more time in radiology than I did holding my daughter in the hospital. And so it was just, it was a really crazy time. Um, but it is cool because I like see God's hand in everything that happened, and that's been really beautiful. But it was confirmed sciatic nerve damage, and there was nothing intraspinal. So there was no injury from anything anesthesiology related. Yeah. And then I've since found a mom group on Facebook of moms with similar injuries. And some of them aren't, you know, during labor, like they aren't changed, they don't change positions very often. And that wasn't the case for me. Some of them have injuries from injection. That was not the case for me. Like it was no one's fault at all. It was just a compression injury.

SPEAKER_01 4:18

I mean, that's good, but then it also like I don't know. I know. I'm like, I kind of wanted somebody to blame at the time. Or just know, like, what, like, how is it so random? It makes it feel random. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 4:27

It why me? Yeah. Did I win the Powerball of bad luck? I think I did. Yeah. Yeah. So it was also kind of like a breath of fresh air that it wasn't somebody specific. Yeah. Cause then I feel like I would have had a lot more like hatred there for at least a season, and I didn't have that. I could just like, well, it is what it is, and just focus on what I needed to do to get better.

SPEAKER_01 4:51

Yeah. Man. Yeah. So what was some of those like first things that like I mean after 12 hours? Like, so do I okay, back up for a second. Yeah. For I mean, I'm a mom, so like, you know, you have your child, and for the first 12 hours, like, or you didn't know.

SPEAKER_03 5:12

I mean, it was it took 12 hours later for you to notice, or like you're or you didn't you just took a while to so she was born in the evening and I ended up having two epidurals and then a spinal pharaoh C section. And so I was the first one didn't take, the second one did, the second epidural did work, but we weren't progressing. And it was like, if we don't do something, and my whole pregnancy, I had prayed for discernment. Like, Lord, number one, I want us to be healthy. Yeah. Okay. But then number two, like, if I need to make a decision, yeah, while I'm having this baby, I want it to be clear and no second guessing. And I just remember getting to a

Sciatic Nerve Damage And Stroke Scare

SPEAKER_03 5:55

point in labor and just being like, this is not getting any, not better, like comfortable. I knew I wasn't going to be comfortable, but like, we're not making progress here. And my doctor said, She's incredible. She's like, you know, I'm glad that you decided that before it became an emergency.

SPEAKER_01 6:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:13

And then come to find out, Clara was sunny side up at an angle and nine and a half pounds. Oh my goodness. So I truly feel like had I not chosen when I did to have a C-section, I would have been permanently paralyzed because that injury would have been even worse.

SPEAKER_01 6:28

Wow. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:29

I'm like, it's nobody's fault.

SPEAKER_01 6:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:32

And yeah, we didn't realize till the next morning when they were trying to get me up. And I'm like, one leg works and the other one does not.

SPEAKER_01 6:39

Yeah. Yeah. Man. Yeah. So I guess after like birth initially, you're like sleeping or trying to sleep, just exhaustion. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:48

Or just being so late, you know. That and um they had asked if we wanted her to be in the nursery or not. And I was like, I do for a little bit, and you know, bring her, bring her in for like bonding, but then also feeding, but I do want to rest some. Um that was just this decision, you know, that worked best for us. They weren't trying to like get me to walk around.

SPEAKER_01 7:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:10

So especially after a C-section.

SPEAKER_01 7:11

Well, and you're feeling all kinds of things at that moment. So it was not like that's your only focus. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:16

So like I remember I actually remember like trying to feed her and then helping with that. And I was like, oh, this isn't that bad.

unknown 7:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:23

Then I tried to get up the next morning. Okay. Yeah.

unknown 7:27

Oh.

SPEAKER_03 7:28

Oh, I didn't know that was an option here. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:31

Or that was a thing.

SPEAKER_03 7:33

Yeah. I'd never heard of it.

SPEAKER_01 7:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:37

So you're hearing that for the first time, or like you're not you're realizing, oh, something's wrong. Like obviously wrong. What is your reaction then?

SPEAKER_03 7:46

I remember my nurse going from no, you need to get up. I think she kind of thought I was trying to milk it.

SPEAKER_01 7:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:53

Like, no, you're fine, girl. Like, get up. And I'm like, and then I showed her, she said, wiggle your toes. And I have, we actually have it on video. My middle toe on my left foot barely twitched. And that was the only thing that moved from my knee down. And she just went from a little firm on me to, oh, this is not okay.

SPEAKER_01 8:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 8:12

And just jumped in. And I just remember being like, I'm not quite sure what's happening here. But y'all can find me in this bed.

SPEAKER_01 8:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 8:20

I'll be here waiting. And at some point, I know it was when those within those first few hours of us realizing something is wrong. I just remember the Lord telling me, like, there's something bigger happening here. Just wait. It's like, okay. And that was enough for me not to freak out.

SPEAKER_01 8:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 8:37

And I've held on to that for four and a half years now.

SPEAKER_01 8:40

Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Good, good thing for a timely word. Right. Yeah. And I feel like he's done that for certain people and certain points in history. I'll read that in kind of in scripture and stuff like that. But it's another thing to hear about it, another thing to experience it. Yeah. For sure.

SPEAKER_03 8:54

And that's not that's not something that I experience often. Yeah. And so for that to have been as clear as if he was sitting beside me. Yeah. Was really cool. I was like, okay. And then we just jumped into figuring it out mode from there.

SPEAKER_01 9:08

Was your husband there in that moment? Like with you when all that was happening? Yeah. Yeah. He was there the whole time. What was his response?

SPEAKER_03 9:15

I don't fully remember. Yeah. I remember just him being there. And I honestly think that was enough. Um, just having that constant presence. And he was, I don't even remember him freaking out or asking. I remember him asking questions, but not in like a blame or shame type of situation. He would more so just check on me, like, what do you need right now?

SPEAKER_01 9:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 9:41

And that was that's what I remember most.

SPEAKER_01 9:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 9:44

Because everybody was trying to, you know, figure things out.

SPEAKER_01 9:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 9:48

Because especially when they thought I'd had a stroke, like that is yeah, that's a big deal. And I appreciate the severity that everybody treated it with. It really was great. Um, but he was more just that calming presence that I think helped with the chaos that could have that was ensuing around me.

SPEAKER_01 10:08

Yeah, yeah. Well, because he could have been freaking out here.

SPEAKER_03 10:11

Now that he probably was on his phone and Googling and trying to figure all this other stuff out. And we have a good friend who's married to a neurosurgeon. And I know that Wes called him, and I don't remember what day it was while I was in the hospital. And he's like, hey, this is what they're saying probably happened. And he's like, No, that's not what this is. And so that was helpful too. They still treated me like I had one because there was no definitive no, she didn't for a while.

SPEAKER_01 10:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 10:40

Um, but him taking charge of that aspect was really nice. Yeah. Because I was like, I just had a baby. My first baby, like, I don't know what I'm doing.

SPEAKER_01 10:49

Yeah. And then this. Or how to advocate for yourself.

SPEAKER_03 10:52

You know, how to, you know, like it was a lot of we don't know what's happening. And when you're constantly hearing the doctor say, Oh, I've never seen this happen before. That's really scary. I was like, okay, great. Yeah. Okay. Well, what's the plan? And yeah, we had about seven different plans at work. So at least they did something. Yeah. And we got a little bit of answer then, and then the confirmation about two weeks later with a nerve study that that's what it was. And we could release the whole stroke protocol.

SPEAKER_01 11:21

Okay. So yeah. There's a lot. Yeah, that is a lot. Wow. What were some of the so once you finally had that diagnosis? Like, what what were the first steps then?

SPEAKER_03 11:32

So I remember crying right there on the table. And the nurse neurologist in Jackson was like, Why aren't we crying? Like, this is like, are you sad? He was just trying to figure out where I was coming from. Yeah. And he knew I just had a baby and all that stuff. And that probably didn't help with the crying. Yeah. But I was like, I'm so relieved. And he said, Why are you relieved that you're not what? It just didn't make sense to him. Why are you relieved? And I said, This is what we needed to have happen

Choosing A C-Section With Peace

SPEAKER_03 12:05

in order for them to finally say I did not have a stroke.

SPEAKER_01 12:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:09

Because I knew if I'd had one, like that was going to change health care for me for the rest of my life.

SPEAKER_01 12:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:15

Not that this didn't, but in a completely different way. Yeah. And so I was like, I'm just relieved that I didn't have a stroke. And he's like, okay, great. So from there, um, I mean, just yeah, a focus with physical therapy, which I had actually started in the hospital. Okay. And then outpatient physical therapy about five or six days postpartum. And they even had to remind me, like, Aaron, you had a C-section last week.

SPEAKER_01 12:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:42

Like you need to kind of chill a little bit. Like, don't push yourself that hard. Yeah. I'm like, I have to walk. I mean, that was just my main focus. I've got to walk. So it was a ton of appointments. I ended up having a blood clot almost exactly a month after having Clara. And that's when things really got heavy for me.

SPEAKER_01 13:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 13:05

The physical aspect of things, I was like, okay, I'm handling this great. We're going to the appointments. People are taking care of me, care of Clara. Um, but the blood clots when it got scary.

SPEAKER_01 13:17

Yeah, because it, I mean, those can kill people. Yeah. You know, and as a well, to my understanding, like you don't feel the clot, it just you feel the effects of it after the fact. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 13:28

I was like, my leg is not supposed to look like this. Yeah. So that yeah. And it did, we had um so clearly after you know having Clara and this injury, I wasn't able to get, I couldn't walk without assistance. And that anti C section, which already takes longer to heal from, yeah, just that being a major surgery, and then with the nerve damage, somebody, somebody was with me 24-7. Yeah. My mom and my mother-in-law took turns taking care of my daughter, yeah, so I could take care of me.

SPEAKER_01 14:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 14:08

And like somebody would drive me to a physical therapy and help me walk in. And I I got tell everybody I left the hospital with a newborn and a walker. And I did my personality, I'm gonna try to make, you know, find some humor. So I remember going out to eat a week or two postpartum and being like, here's my newborn in her carrier, and here's my walker. Like, I don't what else are you gonna do? I'm not gonna wallow in self-pity. Like, that's not gonna help me get better.

SPEAKER_01 14:34

Yeah. But it's still hard. I feel like, you know, being, you know, you've been independent, you know, woman, you know, you know, married and all, and have your own life to being reverting back to being like a child. Yeah. Like that's hard. Yeah. Having other people, I don't know, I don't know about you, but I don't know for me, like I don't like feeling like a burden. And I can just see how that could be an emotion you would probably feel.

SPEAKER_03 15:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 15:01

And that's hard.

SPEAKER_03 15:02

It was a really weird mixture. It was less burden for me and more like I just want to be left alone. Like, just give me some quiet time. And I mean, they were so helpful. There's nothing that would change during that season. Um, other than needing it. That would have been great. But it just got annoying.

SPEAKER_01 15:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:26

They weren't annoying, just having somebody there was annoying. And I remember the first time I was left with Claire at West ran to town to get supper. And I was on the couch and he put her on my chest, and he's like, I will be right back. And my parents live right down the street, and so we had told them this is what we're doing. Yeah. But even then, like, that's not normal.

SPEAKER_01 15:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:50

It's not normal for you to have to let your parents know that you're about to be left alone with your kid for 20 minutes. Yeah. Like that. But that was our normal. Yeah. Um, and I just remember being scared to death that something was gonna happen and I was gonna need to get up. And it was 10 and a half weeks till I could carry her around the house.

SPEAKER_01 16:09

That's a long time.

SPEAKER_03 16:10

Yeah. So it was just, it just was annoying. I was so over it.

SPEAKER_01 16:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:15

But that was motivating too.

SPEAKER_01 16:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:17

To be like, I gotta walk.

unknown 16:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:18

Like I love y'all, but y'all gotta get in my house.

SPEAKER_01 16:22

Uh yeah, that is a very strong mindset. Um, I'll have to save that question for later. That's a question behind a question. Okay. Um man. So how did that impact? I mean, I've heard a little bit about it, you know, we definitely know how it impacted you, um, and a little bit how it's impacted some of your family, but um how did it affect, I mean, or how did it affect them? Like your the people that were closest to you, their side of it. Or do you know their side of it?

SPEAKER_03 16:58

That's what I was gonna say. It I don't think I've ever fully asked.

SPEAKER_01 17:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:05

Because I know how emotional it was for everybody.

SPEAKER_01 17:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:11

And I don't really even know, like, is that worth me asking? Or just being grateful that they were there. Um just thinking about it right now, I'm like, I can't imagine.

SPEAKER_01 17:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:22

Because even after, like, you know, your parents come to visit you in the hospital if they're not already there. And this was during COVID, and that luckily the hospital had lessened the restrictions a little bit at that point. The next week they made them tighter again. But we had like a little sweet spot there. Yeah. Um, and I was not in the room when my own mom came in there to see me and Clara, which they didn't know we had a girl. So we were gonna surprise them. You know, it's a whole to-do, and I was not in there. And that gets me really choked up.

SPEAKER_01 17:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:55

Um, because I just can't imagine walking in and you're excited to see your baby who just had a baby and she's not in there. And my husband is the one who told her, like, we don't know what's going on. She's okay. You know, it's not life-threatening, but yeah, she's in radiology right now. And that gets me. That's probably one of the biggest things that still weighs on me, but there's nothing I could have done. Yeah. I'm kind of afraid to ask, like, how did y'all feel? I don't, it's like, I want to know, but then I kind of already do.

SPEAKER_01 18:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 18:27

You know?

SPEAKER_01 18:27

Yeah. Well, what are some other like uh beyond I know you had a lot of appointments and whatnot, like what are some other things that that was a part of your recovery process?

SPEAKER_03 18:39

Gosh.

Rehab Life With A Newborn

SPEAKER_03 18:42

Like tangible things that I did or both. Okay. Um a lot of appointments.

unknown 18:50

A lot.

SPEAKER_03 18:51

I actually celebrated my 100th appointment with a manicure.

SPEAKER_01 18:54

Wow.

SPEAKER_03 18:55

Hey, that's what I'm gonna do. I was like, you know what? This is what we're doing, and I think it was like 200 and something by the end of the summer. It was insane, it was crazy. Wow. Um a lot of praying, a lot of leaning on people in ways that I didn't necessarily expect to. Because there would be times where I'm just I don't feel like I fully did the whole why me. I don't think that ever really crossed my mind. And I think a big part of that is because of the clarity of God telling me, like, there's something bigger happening here, just wait. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I'm not gonna question that. Who am I to question that? Um, but I do remember seasons just being like, what is going on here? Like, is it ever going to get better? There's a lot of questioning with that. But with that is where I was leaning on people. Yeah of like, hey, I'm in a slump here. And so that was probably the biggest non-physical thing that I was doing. I mean, I had a whole handicapped bathroom set up. I had it was a mess. It was a mess, everything we had to do. But other than those types of things, it really was just being completely honest with everybody as to like this is where my head's at right now.

SPEAKER_01 20:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 20:15

And I either need you, and I would tell them, like, I need you to encourage me today, or I need, I need some like, okay, Erin's in a tizzy. Like, let's unwind her a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 20:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 20:27

So just I guess it's good that I knew exactly what was going on and what I needed.

SPEAKER_01 20:32

But a lot of people don't. They don't know how to articulate that. And then it comes out as like a fissy fit.

SPEAKER_03 20:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:37

I mean, I had those too. I did have those. Or, you know, it just comes out in a ways, and you know, because um, because people would not always know how they're feeling or how to articulate that. So yeah, that's a blessing to everybody, yourself included.

SPEAKER_03 20:51

I did a lot of little videos of like what my feet were able to do. Okay. Because I would kind of forget, like, oh, that's where I started. Yeah. And then I'd see the video and be like, oh, now I can like wiggle all my toes. I can't move my ankle yet, but I can wiggle them. And I think people got probably sick of seeing my feet videos on Instagram because I'd be like, Look at my feet. But for you, that's a big deal. I'm like, man, I should have been making money on my feet videos.

SPEAKER_01 21:19

Yeah. Yeah. But all those little micro wins. Yes.

SPEAKER_03 21:24

And I was important to be open with I mean, whoever. I'm already an open book about this situation, but I was even then, just because I think part of it was self-serving. If I'm honest and vulnerable, vulnerable about it, it might help somebody else. But then also to hear back like, man, you're so strong, or that's so great. Like, I'm a words of affirmation person. Yeah. So it's kind of set in the bait a little bit. But in a season where it's like, I really needed that to get through it. Yeah. So I'm like, I don't tell anybody anything. Might help somebody, might help me.

SPEAKER_01 21:58

That'd be great too. Yeah. I think it always is a sense of uh I don't know if peace is the right word, but um I just know we feel better when we share things like that. Like either we feel relieved that we survived or just the knowledge of like this is going like it's not for you know to the void. Right. You know, um, you know, we say God's word doesn't go out void. I feel like our experiences are kind of the same thing. Um, just because God's a part of it. Yeah. Um people say like God doesn't waste a hurt. Um I like to think more about how God has a purpose in our lives. And because we are His, we have purpose and the things we experience have purpose.

SPEAKER_03 22:47

Yeah, there's purpose in the pain and there's purpose in the waiting too. There is, and that's something that with how slowly like nerves heal, it's like one millimeter a day.

SPEAKER_01 22:57

Wow, from the side of the bedroom.

SPEAKER_03 23:00

Yeah, but I'm like, we're going from my hip all the way down to my toes. Like, this is gonna take a minute. And just to know, like, there's something like we're making progress, it's so slow. Yeah, and that that again was one of the most frustrating things was just how slow.

SPEAKER_01 23:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:18

But yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:19

Well, for clarity, everybody, like she is what she walked in today, like without a cane and anything. So she has recovered, but I've I don't think you have fully recovered, right? Like, um, how much more, or what would you like to see more for yourself? Because like someone who met you today wouldn't know right, you wouldn't see it from her.

SPEAKER_03 23:39

Yeah. So there's probably some parts that won't ever get better, and I just accepted that. Like it's annoying. I think that's just kind of an overarching feeling towards this injury, it's just annoyance.

SPEAKER_00 23:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:50

Um, there's like hypersensitivity in certain areas of my foot. If I step on a crumb, it feels like I'm being stabbed. So that's I have to sweep a lot more than I want to.

SPEAKER_01 23:59

Um, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 24:00

And then other areas are still numb, which is interesting. And then, you know, if you sit funny somewhere, your leg goes to sleep.

SPEAKER_01 24:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 24:09

Mine goes to sleep a lot quicker than it used to. And that is a little paralyzing like mentally.

SPEAKER_01 24:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 24:15

And so I have to remind myself like you're safe. You're okay.

unknown 24:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 24:18

It's a lot of therapy that goes to the city.

SPEAKER_01 24:19

It hasn't happened all over again.

SPEAKER_03 24:21

But you're okay. This is a normal feeling. It just happens quicker because of your injury. It's not a new injury. Yeah. Um, and then just fatigues quicker, it's weaker, but we can always strengthen something that's weak. And I still, I mean, I'm currently having some pain in my foot, and we're getting that the best taken care of as possible. So more appointments, but yeah. I'm just not one to sit back and be like, oh, it is what it is, and this is just what it's gonna look like. Like if I'm hurting, I'm gonna get answers.

SPEAKER_01 24:52

Yeah. Or do what you can, do your part. Yeah, yeah, do your part. Yeah. Um for you, what was what was your turning point in this whole experience? Or where you felt like, okay, we're I can see the light at the at the end of the tunnel that moment.

SPEAKER_03 25:18

I think it was it's kind of a couple places. So we have a little windy road here. Um when I first had the clarity that I did not have a stroke, that it was nerve damage, yeah, that was a big shift in my mind because I had completely argued the whole stroke diagnosis from the minute it came out of his mouth. I'm like, that's not what this was. And he said, Well, it looks like it is. I'm like, it's not. I mean, you know, I have no medical knowledge here. I'm like, this is not what that was. And so just I'm sure they were pleased with that. Yeah. He was not the best, but he was on loan from another hospital. It's okay. My medical team was fantastic, he was not. Um yeah, and so that was nice because I didn't have that mental battle anymore of I'm being treated for something I know in my soul did not happen.

SPEAKER_01 26:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 26:17

And so just to be able to release that part and just fully focus on okay, we have the answer as to what happened. Now we can just do that.

SPEAKER_01 26:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 26:26

That was a big one. Another one was after I was diagnosed with the blood clot. I remember that next week, my OBGYN being like, do you need to talk to somebody? And she had already been asking me that. I know that's like protocol postpartum, anyways. And she had been very clear with me like, you're at a higher risk because of what happened during labor and delivery. So if you ever get to the point where you need to talk to somebody, like please let me know when we'll get that figured out. And before the clot, I was like, no, I really think I'm okay. Like it's hard, but I'm not down about it. Yeah, just figuring it out. And then the clot happened, and I was like, Yeah, I'm not so okay anymore. I feel like my body's trying to kill me. Yeah. Um, and she jumped and immediately got me somebody to talk to. And so that was a huge turning point. And

Blood Clot And Medical Anxiety

SPEAKER_03 27:20

since then, I have stayed in therapy. Um medical anxiety is a huge thing that I'm still overcoming. Um, I've made massive improvement. But at the same time, it's random little things that come up. Yeah. And I'm like, oh, I didn't know that was gonna bother me, but it does.

SPEAKER_01 27:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 27:41

Um so that just being able to advocating for myself has never truly been a problem for me. I am pretty outspoken.

SPEAKER_01 27:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 27:49

But in a sense of not only am I just saying, hey, this is a problem, but it's like, no, we got to get answers. We need to like move the needle in this direction, no matter what that looks like. I need support.

SPEAKER_00 28:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 28:00

And I think that was a big thing, just that asking for help and then fully leaning into that. And now I'm like, oh, you need help? Let's find you somebody. Like I can now help other people do that.

SPEAKER_01 28:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 28:10

Which is a big shift for me.

SPEAKER_01 28:12

Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Being like, well, the victim to the advocate, you know, um, taking, you know, making you a warrior of sorts, you know. Yeah. Yeah. Oh man. Well, were there anything like from scripture or anything that you found that was really helpful? Um, I know you had a specific word from the Lord, and that was that was huge and it's great. But I just wanted to know if there was anything extra along the way.

SPEAKER_03 28:46

There was, and I was not in the word much during that season. And I I don't feel like even if I had done Bible study every day, I would have retained anything. Um, and that's not to say he wouldn't have been speaking. I was highly medicated. I'm being honest. I mean, yeah, I just remember also one night, like we played card games in my family, and my parents were over and like, oh, we'll play. And I'm like, I don't even remember how to play this. And we've been playing it for years. Yeah. And they just kind of looked at me like that's crazy. I'm like, I literally don't remember how to play this, and I just went to bed. Um, but I will say music was really big at that time. And so the song Confidence by Sanctus Real, that was on that, that was on re repeat, almost said repeat. Yeah, repeat. And it just felt very empowering, and it kind of put into words how I was feeling and that bubbling up inside of like again, a reminder of what the Lord said, there's something bigger happening here.

SPEAKER_01 29:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 29:46

And so I'm like, if you're gonna use me in any avenue, I've gotta prepare myself for that. Yeah, and I can't a friend of mine just said this this past week. She said, You can choose to be planted or you can choose to be buried. That's good. And I'm like, the buried was not an option, yeah. It just wasn't because he had told me something bigger was happening, yeah. And I needed to be ready. Yeah, and to rest in that hope.

SPEAKER_01 30:11

Yeah, yeah, cling to that.

SPEAKER_03 30:12

Yeah, but that song was yeah, a really powerful one for me.

SPEAKER_01 30:15

Yeah. I'm gonna look I'm I am a Sanctus Real fan, um, but I don't know that one. So I had to go look it up for sure. It's really good. Oh, Sanctus Real. Yeah. Okay. Well, what were some things that were, I mean, you had a lot of things I know you were experiencing that was discouraging. Um, but were what were some of the low lows?

SPEAKER_03 30:37

The low lows. Um there was one day I was walking down the driveway, which in itself was a huge win, but mentally I was in a slump and I just remember thinking, man, what value am I eating even adding to my family as a mom? And that's something I've mom guilt.

SPEAKER_01 30:58

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 30:59

Yeah, and to the level of I'm not even really being a mom because I couldn't. I mean, at that point I was walking better, but I was still scared to carry Clara. Like that's a whole different weight than just getting myself around the house. Um and I'm like, I'm wasn't able to breastfeed in the way that I wanted to because of medication. I had to stop doing that. Um, and I was already pumping and dumping. I did it for three and a half weeks. And they said at four weeks, everything will be out of your system, and you can go back to breastfeeding. I was like, okay, great. And then three and a half is when I had the blood clot. And they're like, Yeah, we're not comfortable with that. Okay. So that was another big thing. It's like nothing that I thought it was gonna look like. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:47

With motherhood happening. Plans and dreams and yeah, none of it.

SPEAKER_03 31:52

Um, yeah, and then kind of a funny one that was also discouraging, but it was more just extremely frustrating. I had a doctor who his specialty is hematology, and he decided to tell me what shoes I needed to wear that would help me. A little out of a specialty. Yeah. And I just got so mad. And my husband said, Well, I mean, he has that good point. Like, those would probably help you. And I was like, just stay in your lane, man. Like, stay in your lane. Um, so that actually was a motivator to find a different doctor. You're such a fighter, Aaron. I am. I was like, I'm so angry about the shoe comment. Um, but I actually switched to a different doctor and he changed some medication for me and was incredible.

SPEAKER_01 32:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 32:38

Um, but I mean, just I'm not gonna settle.

SPEAKER_01 32:41

Yeah. Did you ever get those kind of shoes?

SPEAKER_03 32:44

No. And I think part of me was in spite. Yes, I'm so stubborn about it. I'm like, um, no, I'm not doing that. I will try every other shoe but those.

SPEAKER_01 32:57

Oh man. I wonder, okay, so just that takes me back to us being in high school for a second, just because I remember Miss Champagne, our science teacher, I think she told this to both of us. Or I got a card that said this at least, um, for us to slow down because we're doing kind of a lot. Yeah. And I think both of us are like, uh-uh, no.

SPEAKER_03 33:21

That's how I was made. Like, why should I go against what's natural to me? Maybe I need to use it in a more productive manner than I might have been at the time.

SPEAKER_01 33:29

But yeah, because you were on the dance line then and doing all the things, and I was in multiple sports as well. And we're both like, no.

SPEAKER_03 33:38

That's kind of my thing now. Like, if everything I'm doing currently brings me joy, why should I put one day on?

SPEAKER_01 33:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 33:46

I just gotta figure it out. Now there have been, you know, the whole ball analogy. Like some of them are glass and some of them are plastic. I've released most of the plastic ones.

SPEAKER_01 33:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 33:55

And at this point, I'm like, I love what I'm doing. Yes, it's a lot. Yes, I'm crazy. And chasing myself around half the time and other things aren't being taken care of. But I mean, if God gives us gifts, we should be good stewards of them.

SPEAKER_01 34:09

Yeah, that's true. Well, to me, that's part of worship. Uh, and you know, using the things that he gave you to do. Oh, that's how I see it. So yeah, I'm I'm an agreement fair.

unknown 34:22

All right.

SPEAKER_01 34:23

So, what are some things like through this experience? I mean, it's that wasn't 2021. We're here in 2025, almost 2026. Um, uh, with what's been going on with you. What what have you learned about God? Like, what have you learned about him and his his character? What is something that y'all y'all have grown through together with?

SPEAKER_03 34:43

The word that stands out to me the most is steadfast. Um, he didn't waver even when I did. And just knowing. I feel like he speaks sometimes the loudest to us when we're in a season of uncertainty.

SPEAKER_01 35:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 35:02

Or when we're quiet. You know, sometimes he whispers and you're like, is that him? Is that not him? But when he speaks so clearly, it's like there's no denying. And so just having that piece to remember how steadfast he is. He supported me when I couldn't support myself.

SPEAKER_01 35:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 35:20

Um, he put the right people in my path, whether it have been years prior with friendships and them showing up in ways that I didn't even know they would need to, or in people like my medical team, other than the two that I didn't love. Um, everyone else has been really great and a huge

Micro Wins, Community, And Advocacy

SPEAKER_03 35:40

support of me pushing myself and figuring things out instead of just being complacent.

SPEAKER_00 35:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 35:48

Um, but just knowing really just steadfast. Like that is the yeah, that to me is the biggest thing that he's shown me in this season.

SPEAKER_01 35:57

Yeah. And that's huge. We need that. These people, we need that um from people, and especially God, you know, they know that they're gonna be there. Something that you can hold on to, you know.

SPEAKER_03 36:08

And it's like, you know, hindsight's 2020. Like we kind of know, yeah, he's always there.

SPEAKER_01 36:13

Yeah, we know that it's great on a coffee mug.

SPEAKER_03 36:16

Right. But then to fully walk in that, and then any moment I was doubting, either he pointed something out in a song, and I I know it's him that did that. It wasn't just my brain coming up with it. Yeah. Because of all the lyrics, why that one?

SPEAKER_01 36:35

Um, or at this time, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 36:37

Or somebody sending me something like an encouraging card in the mail, or yeah, a doctor calling and saying, like, hey, instead of waiting two weeks, we can get you in tomorrow. Like, yeah, I just feel like that's all him. Orchestrating everything and just having that, like, yeah, he's always there. Yeah. And he sh was proving it to me. Yeah. That's good.

SPEAKER_01 36:57

Um, so what advice would he give to someone that finds himself in some type of similar situation? I mean, it I don't know, it feels like this is a rare thing, but at the same time, like, you know, we go in for, I know people who go in for an appointment for one thing and come out for something totally different than what they expected. I feel like that aspect of it is something that happens to people. Um, what advice would you give that person?

SPEAKER_03 37:22

So, my biggest piece of advice would be to trust your instincts. And I truly believe that that gut feeling is the Holy Spirit. That is the Holy Spirit leading you. Um, if you get a weird feeling, so if we're talking something similar to my situation, if you get a weird feeling about a medical provider, yeah, question them. Yeah. Like they kind of say, you know, people practice medicine, they practice law. We're practicing, okay. You're just practicing here. Um, and I do hold them to high regard, but at the same time, it's okay to question.

SPEAKER_01 37:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 38:00

And I think that that's one of the best ways we can advocate for ourselves is being in tune with the Holy Spirit. Okay, this feels funny. Something's going on here that isn't, even if it's just not making sense, just ask questions. And if you don't know what questions to ask, find somebody who might can help you in that. Yeah. Just tell people what's going on. I'm a big believer in vulnerability. I think that's one of the hard-that's one of the hard.

SPEAKER_01 38:24

I think that's why we have podcasts. Yes. Yes. I feel there's so much strength to it. Yes. It's the thing is not owning you if you're able to talk about it.

SPEAKER_03 38:32

Yes. And then it builds community. Yeah. Because people are like, oh, I didn't know you went through that, or just encouraging others that are going through. And we're always so much stronger together. Yes. Because God made us that way. Why do we fight it?

SPEAKER_01 38:45

I don't know. I mean, it's pride. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 38:48

That's true too. Um, but that that would be my biggest piece of advice is just trust those instincts. Even if you can't name the feeling, if the feeling is uncomfortable, dive deeper into that.

SPEAKER_01 39:00

Yeah, like figure out what that where that feeling is coming from. And yeah, that's good advice. I totally agree. Thanks.

SPEAKER_03 39:07

I still give it to myself sometimes.

SPEAKER_01 39:09

Same. But like, because you know, instinct, like, I don't, I think people, especially not of the faith, would um they would just call it an instinct. But you know, as a believer, like, you know, God created me and he created motions and he created that, which means he is Lord of that. So if I'm feeling that, he put it there. You know, so that's very much the spirit because God is spirit.

SPEAKER_03 39:34

Some people forget that. Um, but yeah, it's a way that he's communicating with us. Yes, we don't always hear him like I did in the hospital. I mean, that again was one of the few times I've ever had that type of experience with him. Right. But other times I'm like, my gut rarely leads me astray.

SPEAKER_00 39:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 39:53

And I know that's the Holy Spirit. I know that's him leading me just in a different way.

SPEAKER_01 39:58

Yeah. Well, that's a great talk. That's a good word, Aaron. Um, get a little preachy sometimes.

SPEAKER_03 40:07

I'm like, this is important.

SPEAKER_01 40:09

Yeah.

Why She Started Strong As A Mother

SPEAKER_01 40:10

Well, at this point, I would like us to just um kind of switch gears a little bit and talk more about what strong as a mother is about. Um, earlier in the show, I was like, ooh, made a little joke about being strong. Um, I can't help myself. I'm a little punny. Um, but um I think uh probably maybe you're hearing that a bunch. And I I agree. I'm only I'm only hearing parts of these this story, and I know there's a lot more that uh could be shared, but uh I'm like, yeah, you're definitely a strong woman. Um, but I know that's only part of where this podcast comes from. So please tell us more about what strong a mother uh your podcast comes from, who it's for, and all the things.

SPEAKER_03 40:52

Okay, so strong as a mother, a little backstory. I had this idea in 2022. And it I just got it started in 2025. So that is kind of the Lord working on me in that season and just getting full clarity. And he's like, Okay, now you're ready. Yeah, you've done the work, now you're ready. Um, so Strong as a Mother, it's a faith, faith-based podcast where we share raw, unfiltered stories of moms walking through both everyday challenges of motherhood and life-changing struggles. Yeah. And it's for women who want to feel seen, encouraged, and reminded that God is present in every season of motherhood, the seasons that are beautiful, the messy ones and the refining ones. And I've had several women in my circle just say, Oh, I've not, I've not been through anything tough. And I'm like, You're a mom. And it doesn't have to be a medical like trauma like mine.

SPEAKER_01 41:53

It doesn't have to be I mean, the newborn phase just tough.

SPEAKER_03 41:58

And I'm like, mom, God is refining us all the time. And if we just kind of take a step back and look at like, who were you before you were a mom and who are you now? You went through something. Yeah. Even if it was the newborn phase. Yeah. And it's like, ah, and some people that's their favorite.

SPEAKER_02 42:17

Um, I don't really remember it.

SPEAKER_03 42:19

So yeah, yeah. And it's just, I shared my story in one of the first episodes of the podcast because I feel like we needed that, you know, root of where to grow from. But every episode stance, it's just just like this, just talking with women in this situation, moms, who I'm like, just tell me your story or a part of your story. And where did where was God in all of that? And if you didn't see him then, where do you see him now?

SPEAKER_01 42:50

Yeah, like where did your strength come from? Yeah, you know, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 42:54

And that is it's so cool. It's a lot of women come, they're like, I'm so scared to talk. Like, I get that. Like it's natural for me. Yeah, but I get that, but every mom has at the end of it been like, Man, I feel so much better sharing that. Yeah. I'm like, yes. And someone, even one listener is going to get something from that.

SPEAKER_01 43:17

Yeah. And it's it's a beautiful thing. Like, you know, I can attest being on being on the on the other side, um, like like yourself. And it is fun helping. Um, I say fun, that's really not a strong enough word. It is um a blessing. It is encouraging for for us as the podcasters um to be a part of that process for the other person. Yeah. And and and to, you know, because as the interviewer, you get a little bit more of the story than what's put out. And what a blessing, what a treasure. Like I always treasure them. Um carries, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 43:53

And I'm like, anytime that you don't feel strong, go listen to your episode. Yes. Please, go listen. Like those are your words. Of what you've been through and where God showed up for you. So if you ever question him in the future, it's now saved.

SPEAKER_01 44:07

So why do you feel like now has been the time to put it out there? You mentioned earlier like you've done the work now, and now's the time to put the podcast out there.

SPEAKER_03 44:17

Once I got to a place where I know my struggle why I didn't come out any sooner, and I actually talked to my therapist about this, um, was about am I strong enough to facilitate these conversations? Or is someone I was so afraid that someone was gonna say something and I not respond correctly in a way of I can defer to humor sometimes.

SPEAKER_01 44:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 44:45

Or just completely break down. And not that that's a bad thing. I feel like all emotions are good, just what we do with them is where we need to focus.

SPEAKER_01 44:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 44:53

But I never wanted any other mom to feel guilty for what she was sharing or to maybe backpedal and be like, oh gosh, I didn't mean to do that. Like make any form of uncomfort. Um, and so I just did a lot of work on me, and then I was like, okay, I'm ready. My space was ready because that was something mentally for me that needed to be taken care of.

SPEAKER_01 45:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 45:15

And now I just feel like women are craving authenticity and hope.

SPEAKER_01 45:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 45:20

There's so many, so much is filtered or curated.

SPEAKER_01 45:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 45:26

And I'm like, that's not the real world. If we could really just show up as ourselves, and then the next step to me is share some of the mess that we've been through. That is real. That's where we're going to build true community. Yeah. And I feel like people in general, but especially women, like you said earlier, like community is so important.

SPEAKER_01 45:49

Yeah.

Weekly Releases And Closing Psalm

SPEAKER_03 45:50

And a true community is vulnerable with each other. And they're there to support in the hard times. But nobody can support you if they don't know what's going on. Exactly. So even if it was a season in the past, like it still refines us, it still shapes us. And when we can see God in that, that's the most powerful thing.

SPEAKER_01 46:08

Yeah, totally agree. Well, how often do you release your episodes?

SPEAKER_03 46:16

Right now, weekly on Friday mornings.

SPEAKER_01 46:18

Friday morning.

SPEAKER_03 46:21

I actually prayed over that. I was so stressed out about, I was not stressed out about the actual conversations. I'm like, I'm ready to rock and roll. And then I'm like, when do I put these out? How often do I?

SPEAKER_01 46:32

I saw you post about that one, Bob.

SPEAKER_03 46:34

All the little stuff. It's like, this is inconsequential.

SPEAKER_01 46:37

Why is this a big deal? I may have responded. I don't remember. I know I've responded in my head, but you've been a great help.

SPEAKER_03 46:43

Trust me. You really have. But yeah, so right now, uh weekly on Friday mornings. And then I also have a Facebook community and an Instagram. It's strong as a mother official. And I've had those since 2022.

SPEAKER_01 46:58

That part's been around for a minute.

SPEAKER_03 47:01

The podcast part was that bigger leap of faith for it. But I was like, you've gotten me here. I still have to keep trusting you, even though I don't like where we're going. Or I don't, it wasn't that I was afraid to podcast. It was the logistics.

SPEAKER_01 47:15

Yeah, there's a lot of them.

SPEAKER_03 47:17

There is. And then when I started figuring it out, I was like, oh, this is not that bad. Oh, okay. I got it. And it was like that night, like finished cleaning up my office, got it taken care of, opened everything because I've had my equipment since 2022. January of 2022. Okay. Yeah. Opened everything up, set it up, and I recorded the trailer that night. Wow. Yeah. Okay. Like once I'm decided, we're doing it.

SPEAKER_01 47:44

But yeah, I mean, it's not it just takes it takes that just doing it. Yeah. You know, you can digging in there. You can plan all you want until you just kind of get in there. Yeah. Well, um, I wish your podcast well. Um I think it's great. Um, I'm Wanna Live All podcast. I mean a podcaster. Um, but I totally support what you're doing, and I can't wait to hear more of more from you.

SPEAKER_03 48:08

Thank you. And thank you for your help along the way. Yeah, you're welcome.

unknown 48:13

All right.

SPEAKER_01 48:14

Um, yeah, so and thank you for coming on today and and sharing your story and for sharing about your vision and um everything for your podcast. I think it's gonna be great and just a wonderful ministry to other people.

SPEAKER_03 48:27

I appreciate that. I'm excited. My name is Aaron Simpson, and this is my story of the middle.

SPEAKER_01 48:35

And I'm your host, Brandy Abostik, um, from the Up for the Up Podcast.

SPEAKER_03 48:39

Psalm 40, verse 2. He brought me up from a desolate pit out of the muddy clay and set my feet on the rock, making my steps secure.